…or, is it you?
Everyone one of us has a potential narcissist inside of us. We all have our selfish side. Some people, however, embrace that side of themselves fully. They do not care who they hurt as they go about their lives trying to be the center of attention. I, myself, allow more of my narcissistic side out than I like to admit. I also have key people in my life that are full blown narcissists but, of course, they’ll never admit it, which is why they are no longer an active part of my life. And that hurts, however, it is for my own safety, because I take on too much of what is going on around me. And I fall into that pit too easily.
I just watched a friend of mine go through a whirlwind relationship with someone like that. It wasn’t fun or pretty. Sure it had it’s good moments because a narcissist knows how to pull people in and make them feel good for a bit, but only as long as it makes themselves look good and they are the center of attention, or hero if you will. They believe their own lies so much that when confronted with the brutal truth of reality (when they get caught in their lies) they become defensive, aggressive or fall completely apart and play the victim. I know this from real life experience…from both sides. It is not a proud moment when you accept that you are the narcissist and that you have hurt others like you have been hurt. The difference between a full blown narcissist and myself is that I CAN admit it. I CAN see this trait in myself. I CAN admit my faults and behavior while they do not, will not, see anything wrong in what they do or how they treat others.
So, while I’m thankful for that, it does NOT excuse my actions. However, it DOES give me hope that I am a better person than I believe myself to be. That I can choose to be different from them. And for THAT…I am truly grateful.