I’ve tried to start writing a blog a few times before. I have one for my poems, one where my focus is trying to be as positive as possible and another that is kind of an eclectic mixture of different things. I am a writer at heart. I love words. I love to handwrite things. I love to encourage other people. Sadly, my spoken words are not always what I was thinking in my head. Something just seems to always get lost between my mind and my mouth. (Anyone else have THAT problem??)
The reason I chose to do one about my ‘battle scars’ is because I’m hoping that I will be able to work through some bad habits that I have that involve the ‘self-speak’ I use. You know, those thoughts we have about ourselves? I know I am not the only who thinks badly of themselves. Anyone with an eating disorder can tell you that. You don’t start starving, binging & purging or cutting yourself if you are comfortable in your skin and if you like yourself.
My core personality was formed in my youth. I may or may not go into further details on that in the future. I have to do some serious thinking before I can make that decision as I am sure there are some people that will be hurt or angry by me telling those stories and I’m not sure if I am up for dealing with that fallout right now. So, in the meantime, I will do my best to make sure my stories are understandable enough without having access to those back stories.
As of this publishing, I am 48 years old. I have been with my husband for the most part of 28 years and we’ve been married 22. I am the mother of 2 children and have 3 grandsons with one more on the way. Unfortunately, I only get to see 2 of them at the moment and don’t foresee that changing anytime soon. (Watch for a separate post on that at another time.) My husband, daughter and I run our custom automotive shop together (well, THEY run it mostly with a little help from me. Yep, you guessed it…another story for another post. I’m sensing a trend here.) We just moved into a new rental home this month and are seriously considering buying the house just so we NEVER HAVE TO MOVE AGAIN! Haha!
All in all, while we are under a lot of stress, we’re still doing so much better than so many people and I feel truly guilty and shameful for whining about my issues. However, my ‘issues’ have caused a lot of our stress to begin with and I do not want to spend the rest of my life on the same damned hamster wheel I’ve been running in thus far. So, here I am, ready to share my mess with whomever chooses to read it, but mostly just for myself so I can look at my life in written words I am so fond of. Maybe, by reading my mess I’ll be able to come up with solutions to it. It’s a shot in the dark and since I’ve spent so much time in the dark with my demons maybe I’ll shoot one of them!!
In the coming posts, you will read about narcissism, self-destruction, addictions (not drug or alcohol related), blissful ignorance and the loss of it, loss of loved ones (both ones who have died and ones still living) and much more. I will do my best not to make them all dark, dreary and depressing, however, this blog IS about battle scars so I can’t promise anything. Also, I do have ADD(self-diagnosed) so don’t be surprised if my posts bounce all over creation and back. Also, it’s been too long since I allowed myself the privilege of writing so please bear with me as I find my groove again.